So much floating emotion, not sure where it is all going to settle

I underestimated the emotional impact of finally, finally getting things finalized. Getting single. I’ve had a hard time handling the JOY, containing it, doing the things I have to do, going on with life as if nothing has changed. I am different. I am HAPPY, even though I still have a rather annoying sometimes scantily clad roomate wandering around who can’t remember to close the bathroom door to save his life (ahhhh!!! we need rules around here).

 The joy has clouded my vision. Of course, I DO still feel sad about the fact that I don’t have a relationship right now, but what I do have is HOPE. And I have friends. So much hope, and such great friends. I wonder if it is normal to adore my friends to the extent that I do? I just LOVE my friends. Love you, all of you, here, there, virtual, flesh-and-blood, old and young, male and female. Love you all. Why aren’t I jaded? I should be. I feel like it is the fourth of July and the beauty of the fireworks won’t end. I feel like this is the standing ovation, after years of waiting…

Of course I will come back down to “normal” soon, I know, but for now, I guess I’ll just continue to ride this wave of joy. If anyone needs a blast of optimism, come my way. I have been through some soul wrenchingly dark times — mostly of my own making — and a couple of times had the heart crushed into such a shattered mess that I knew I’d never be the same (and I wasn’t; but who wants ”sameness”?). Yet here I am. Today. With 3 beautiful kids, a sunny day, and absolutely unlimited and undefined possibility on the horizon. Sometimes, I guess, you don’t realize how the oppresion has sucked the life out of you until you make the great escape and the life rushes back in, bringing a color and brightness that makes you marvel at how, how, how, could you have ever contemplated NOT reaching this point. Wow. So thankful. So thankful for all that brought me here. Still, I have a long ways to go on the practical front, but a little irrational joy is a step in the right direction.  Hope the rest of you are doing well, too.